


Suffocating

by KeepsakeKey



Series: We're All A Little Fucked Up [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 14:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeepsakeKey/pseuds/KeepsakeKey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every so often, Steve has nightmares of being trapped under the ice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suffocating

There's not enough space. The walls are pressing down around him, the very air turning dense and clogging up his throat, pressing around him with a physical weight. Everything is heavy, and he can't breathe. His lungs expand and contract over and over, his body shuddering as he begins to hyperventilate. The heat from his exhaled oxygen turns to ice, and suddenly it's cold, so cold, his limbs stiffen and his mouth is filled with snow, and _he can't get out, he can't get out, he can't get out-_

Steve gasps awake, his eyes flying open. His breathing is both shallow and fast, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows he has to calm himself down, that he'll go into shock.

His eyelids flutter back down, and with an extraordinary amount of effort, his fingers release the hold they had on the damp sheets. His breath hitches a few times before he finally gets it under control, takes deep inhales through his nose, holds for a moment before exhaling through his mouth.

Every so often, Steve has nightmares of being trapped under the ice.

Every time he wakes up, his first thought is that it's a memory. Even so, he knows that's not actually true; he had passed out long before the ice closed in around him, encasing him.

It's been over a year since he was fished out, but he can't seem to shake the dreams. Seventy years trapped in ice, and he doesn't remember any of it. Though it seems that his body does. 

Avengers have expectations they must meet, but the leader of them has even more. No weakness, head up, mind clear, body sound. Shield had ordered the best of psychologists to probe around his mind, the best of doctors to poke his body. But Steve had been skirting shrinks and doctors ever since he was a kid, downplaying everything just to get to go outside, using every cunning move possible to get into the Army. Thankfully, most of the tricks still work.

Steve was in no shape or form okay. He still hated small spaces, the temperature of his room is set uncomfortably high, his skin burns red when he showers, and he wakes up shaking from dreams that are not memories. Steve isn't okay.

But even so, he gets up every morning, changes his drenched sheets, goes to take a scalding hot shower and then goes to eat breakfast. He makes it through the day. He's adaptable, always has been, and he can get through this.

One step at a time, he tells himself. And every time his foot falls, the weight on his shoulders gets just a little bit lighter.

Steve isn't okay, and maybe he never will be. But each day he gets a little better.


End file.
